Jealousy in Marriage

People will mistakenly say that jealousy is a sin, but the confusion lies in our modern vernacular where we misuse the word jealous. We jokingly say things like, “I’m jealous of your new car,” but the biblical word for that feeling is envy. When you want something that belongs to someone else, that’s envy. To be envious is to covet or lust after something that someone else has, and that’s wrong.

A lot of people will mock a Christian husband or wife for being “the jealous type,” but jealousy in and of itself is not a sin, and I submit to you that jealousy can be godly. The Bible says repeatedly that God is jealous, and Paul spoke of his own “godly jealousy” in 2 Corinthians Chapter 11:

“For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.” -- 2 Corinthians 11:2-3

Some of you need to get a little godly jealousy! If you let your wife go out to lunch with another man, you’re worldly. The modern philosophy that says it’s okay to have close friends of the opposite gender is a recipe for disaster, and it’s normal for a husband to feel jealous when it comes to his wife.

“But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away. For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.”--Proverbs 6:32-34

The above passage is about a man's jealousy when his wife commits adultery, but the flip side is also true. A wife will also become jealous if her husband is in some way giving his attention to other women. Michal and David’s marriage is an example of a woman being jealous in the Bible.

Most of the time, jealousy in a marriage is justified, but sometimes a husband or wife will go to an extreme. Be jealous, but don't be insanely jealous. Falsely accusing your spouse of cheating or worrying that they may have accidentally looked in someone else’s direction isn’t healthy. If that’s you, you need to get over your insecurity and stop picking fights with your spouse.

Yes, jealousy can cause strife in a relationship, but if your husband is acting jealous, maybe it’s because you are dressing provocatively or having close friendships with other men. Or perhaps your wife resents the fact that you are becoming too close with a female coworker. Confiding in someone of the opposite gender about problems in your marriage is a form of infidelity and can lead to full blown adultery.

It’s okay to be friendly and talk to people of the opposite gender, but always keep things professional. My old pastor used to say that men and women should have “short conversations” with each other. He also said that he never hugged another woman unless she was old enough to be his grandmother. Your wife belongs to you, and you belong to her, so it’s normal for both of you to feel protective of your marriage and try to safeguard it from outside threats.

Here is a sermon to go along with this post

Greg Locke Should Step Down as Pastor

Greg with his new girlfriend. As you can he see, he's really suffering right now.

“This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)” -1 Timothy 3:1-5

Unfortunately, it is becoming the norm for a pastor to get a divorce while pastoring a church, and then just keep on pastoring. Well-known pastor, Greg Locke, got divorced from his wife a couple of months ago and is refusing to step down. I realize he’s a false teacher, but when a pastor who is followed by thousands of people gets divorced and moves on, it sends the message that divorce and remarriage is okay.

Not only is Pastor Greg Locke divorced, but he already has a new girlfriend. He keeps saying that he is "not an adulterer," but he is premeditating adultery by dating another woman. The Bible teaches over and over again that divorce plus remarriage equals adultery.

“Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.” –Luke 16:18

I’m not down on laymen in the church who have made mistakes in the past. People who are divorced can still serve God, but a pastor is a role model, and has to meet certain biblical qualifications, including ruling his house well.

If your marriage fails, then you have failed as a leader in the most fundamental way. People who get divorced will often say that it’s one hundred percent the other person’s fault, but even if that were the case with Locke, it would still disqualify him from being a pastor.

I know of another pastor whose wife left him, but he did the right thing and stepped down. The people in the congregation respected the fact that he was humble enough to admit his failure, and many of them remained friends with him after he was replaced by a new pastor. If you’re the bishop of a local church, and your marriage fails, please do the honorable thing and step down.

I have a do or die mentality about marriage, but if I ever do get divorced for any reason, I will step down as pastor. If Greg Locke was pastoring for the right reasons, he would resign, but he isn’t. He’s in it for the praise of men, which is why he dresses like a teenager and jumps on the bandwagon with every conservative talking point, whether it’s biblical or not.

Greg with his original wife - what the Bible calls "the wife of his youth."

Here is an older video I did exposing Greg Locke 
Here is my video from yesterday about this current situation

Forgive and Forget (literally!)

“For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.” Hebrews 8:12

God not only forgives, but he also forgets. We need to strive in our lives to be more like him and forgive AND forget. You are not always going to be able to literally forget, but it may actually be possible…

Have you ever noticed how some people remember a lot about their childhood while others don’t? I have a theory about why some people seem to have more memories than others. It’s because some people are story tellers. Those of us who are nostalgic and keep telling our stories remember the events of our childhood more than people who don’t like to talk about the past.

It is virtually impossible to remember things from 10 or 20 years ago unless you think about them at some point in between. When you remember something from that many years ago, you are probably just remembering a memory of a memory. You remember the story because you keep retelling it. I like to preserve certain stories of my life, so I keep retelling them. On the other hand, I choose not to dwell on the bad things that have happened to me.

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Philippians 4:8

Forgetting is an important part of forgiving. When someone wrongs you, you shouldn’t keep rehashing it by thinking about it--or even worse--talking about it. If something has already been dealt with, then quit talking about it! We ought to let ourselves forget those unpleasant details that result in grudges against others.

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32

Not only should we forgive others, but we also need to forgive ourselves. Stop talking about your past sins and the sins of others, and it will be easier to forget.

“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

Here is a sermon on Forgiveness to go with this article

Why I Don't Do Marriage Counseling

I’m not one that does a lot of marriage counseling. If somebody asks me for advice or has a question about marriage, I’ll give them an answer, or if they ask for prayer, I’ll pray for them. That said, I don’t really do marriage counseling in the traditional sense. It’s really a no-win situation for a pastor to get involved in the intricacies of someone else’s marriage.

Most marriage problems can be solved by applying simple, biblical principles, but people aren’t always seeking real solutions. Oftentimes people just want to vent and air their dirty laundry, but I don’t need to know all the sordid details about what people are doing wrong to tell them how to do things right. When someone tells me they are having marital problems, I try to just cut to the chase and offer them biblical advice. I tell them to do X, Y, and Z, and don't come back and talk to me about it again until they have done those things.

When a couple meets with their pastor and takes turns trying to make each other look bad, it can result in a lot of embarrassment and make things worse. A good counselor will avoid taking sides and give advice to both parties, but each spouse is still probably keeping score, trying to determine whose side the counselor is taking.

Each person will try to prove his or her case, and let’s face it, usually both parties are at least partly to blame. When the pastor seems to come down harder on one spouse, that person might be tempted to exaggerate the other person’s faults to try to save face. After all that mud-slinging, both spouses might walk away feeling more animosity toward each other. Not only that, but someone might become angry with the pastor and leave the church. Bad-mouthing your spouse to the pastor just isn’t edifying to anyone.

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29

I don’t need to know every mistake that has been made in your marriage in order to help you. I would rather cut the counseling session short and just tell you how to do things right. In fact, I’d rather skip the counseling session completely and just give the advice to the entire church at one time.

I have preached many sermons on marriage, and I encourage you to listen to all of them if you are struggling in your relationship. Instead of listening to a sermon with your spouse’s faults in mind, focus more on what you can change about yourself.

Here is a sermon on “Marriage Advice.”

Meddling In-laws

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

Just remember: LEAVE AND CLEAVE. If there is ever a time that you have to choose between your parents and your spouse, always side with your spouse. It’s great to have a relationship with your parents, and the Bible commands us to honor our father and mother, but they should not be controlling the new household that was created when you got married. Parental interference is a common source of strife in marriage.

This interference can come in the form of bossiness, unsolicited advice, or in severe cases, disrespect toward your spouse. Marital problems arise when one spouse doesn’t like the way the other handles his or her parents. This is usually more of a problem with younger couples since many young people are just too attached to their parents when they first get married.

Numbers Chapter 30 deals with the nullification of a vow made by a woman. It is the girl’s father who has that power while she is living at home and not yet married, but that authority transfers to her husband once she gets married. This demonstrates the important principle that the husband, not the father, is the head of the wife.

Sometimes even just expressing concern about what your parents think can offend your spouse. For example, you are making some kind of a decision together, and you tell your spouse what your parents had to say about it. If this type of conversation is a hot button issue for your spouse, then the less that you mention your parents, the better.

One young married man told his wife to keep the garage door shut so his dad wouldn’t drive by and see the new vehicle in the garage. Even though it was the husband’s decision to make that purchase, the wife didn’t like his attitude. She didn’t feel like their finances should be anyone else’s business. This is a very mild example but it goes to show that your spouse doesn’t want you to have a childlike mindset about your parents. Men, your wife has a hard enough time submitting to you, and she has no desire to be under the authority of your parents. She wants to see you as independent.

A wife’s parents can sometimes try to control their son-in-law by bending their daughter’s ear about him. This kind of negativity can undermine a wife’s respect for her husband. The lady would be wise not to pass that information on to her husband since it will inevitably result in a fight. In fact, she may have to tell her parents that she can’t have anything to do with them until they stop criticizing her husband. This works both ways. A husband might need to tell his parents the same thing about how they treat his wife. Both spouses want to feel that they are a priority in each other’s lives and that the other person will always stand up for them.

Often with parents and other extended family members, staying away from them for a little while can help get them back on their best behavior. A short punishment period will usually make them think twice about not respecting certain boundaries. In rare cases, the in-laws may have to be cut off completely, but chances are, they will correct their behavior to preserve the relationship with their child and/or grandchildren. It’s all about having the courage to stand up to them. They are your parents, so they may have a tendency to treat you like a child no matter how old you are, but it is up to you to act like an adult. Men need to cut the apron strings, and women need to submit to their own husbands.

As parents we need to remember to stay out of our adult children’s marriages. If you’ve had trouble with your parents or in-laws, remember those struggles when your own children grow up and get married. Follow the golden rule and be the type of parent and in-law you wish you had.

Here is a sermon on Meddling In-laws

Marriage Takes Work

“For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.” Jude 1:4

Treating your spouse poorly because he or she can’t leave is like turning the grace of God into lasciviousness. Just as we should do good works after we are saved, we should also do work in our marriages. You’re on your best behavior while dating, but once you’re married, you get more comfortable in knowing that it’s a done deal. Now, that’s a great feeling, but don’t abuse that liberty.

Don’t Assume

Divorce is wicked, and you should purpose in your heart to never put away your spouse, but your husband or wife is not God, and they might break their promise. If your spouse leaves you, it wouldn’t be the first time that a husband or wife left in an IFB church. Even if your spouse seems very spiritual, your marriage might not be as secure as you think.

“Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.” 1 Corinthians 10:12

Women tend to be less direct in the way they communicate, so don’t assume everything is fine just because your wife isn’t complaining. Pay attention to her hints, because she may not be getting what she wants out of the relationship. Making an effort to plan dates with her can go a long way in making her feel loved and appreciated. Often, when a wife leaves or commits adultery, the husband didn’t even see it coming.

“But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:11

Notice it says, “But and if she depart.” That means she might do it!

Ladies, listen to your husband when he tells you there’s a problem. If he has some kind of pet peeve, correcting that thing should be a priority for you.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22

“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12

Preserve Attraction

Don’t become a slob after you get married, but making yourself appealing to your spouse isn’t only about hygiene and fitness. Staying in your proper roles will go a long away in keeping the attraction alive in your marriage. Men, your wife wants you to be a leader and to provide for her financially. Wives, your husband will find you more attractive when you respect him.

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1 Timothy 5:8

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

Common Courtesy

How do you speak to your spouse? Are you as courteous now as you were before you were married? Do you treat friends or coworkers better than you treat your own spouse?

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, BE COURTEOUS:” 1 Peter 3:7-8

Get Physical

“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

Would you fast more than a couple of days? Stop turning each other down, and you’ll avoid a lot of heartache.

God hates divorce, but Christians are not above committing that sin. Studies show that the divorce rate is just as high among Baptists as it is among the general population. Taking your spouse for granted could someday blow up in your face. Men need to be respected and honored. Wives have a need to feel loved and appreciated. Both need intimacy and quality time together. Is your spouse completely satisfied in the relationship?

Here is a sermon on Turning Grace into Lasciviousness.

Dating Your Wife

“When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.” Deuteronomy 24:5

Dating Ideas Besides Going Out to Dinner

Men, spending quality time with your wife is an important part of marriage. Even if money is tight, dating your wife should be a priority. A picnic lunch can be just as enjoyable as an expensive meal at a restaurant, and a date doesn’t even have to involve food at all. A pedal boat ride or walking around downtown are just a couple of ideas. If you do not yet have children, there is no excuse for not having regular dates with your wife. Hint: Your wife doesn’t want to be responsible for planning every date. Take the initiative!

Dating When You Have Young Children

Your dates might look different depending on the season of life you are in. If you have young children and there is no trustworthy family member around to babysit, consider taking the kids along on the date or perhaps share a special candlelit meal after the children are in bed...

Be careful about every “date” happening at home though. Even if you have to bring the children along, your wife will be happier if you take her out on a regular basis. She may or may not tell you that, but it’s true. You might not enjoy your job, but your wife probably still sees it as your opportunity to get out of the house. If she is at home all day, getting out might be more important to her than you think.

Eventually, you’ll have teenagers to hold down the fort while just the two of you go on real dates, but you need to make her needs a priority right now. If you can’t afford to take the whole family to dinner, perhaps you could take them out for an ice cream cone after visiting a local pet store aka “the poor man’s zoo.”

Dating When You Have a Large Family

My wife and I have nine children, so even just running a few quick errands with my wife and our youngest baby feels like a date for us since the baby doesn’t talk yet. When my mom is in town, my wife and I are able to get out of the house together for longer periods—even overnight.

Whatever your system is for dating your spouse, be sure to communicate with her on this subject to make sure she is satisfied.

Here is a sermon on Loving Your Wife

The Wife's Role as a Helper

“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18

The physical relationship is crucial in a marriage. When a couple goes too long without being intimate, things can become awkward, and they can end up going even longer. Occasionally a husband will be guilty of depriving his wife in this area, but more often than not, it is the wife that is the gatekeeper when it comes to intimacy. Although she shouldn’t approach being with her husband as a duty, a wise woman will help her husband avoid temptation by being available to meet his needs.

“Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” - 1 Corinthians 7:5

A husband obviously needs his wife for companionship, but he also needs her help in other areas. One of the primary ways a wife helps her husband other than the relationship aspect of the marriage is by cooking, cleaning, and caring for the children while he is at work. Domestic chores can seem mundane, but a lady might find motivation in realizing how much these tasks are helping her husband.

“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.” Proverbs 31:8

Being trustworthy with the finances is also an important way a wife should help her husband. This could be by just controlling her spending and finding the deals on food and clothing, or it could also include working on an endeavor from home while still taking care of the needs of her family.

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.” Proverbs 31:11

A common complaint from wives is that their husbands don’t help them enough around the house. Helping your wife around the house is great, but if you are doing your part by providing for your family financially, don’t feel guilty if your wife does most of the cooking and cleaning. Every couple is different in exactly how they divide the various responsibilities, but a woman should remember that her primary role in the marriage is to help her husband, and not vice versa.

“For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” - 1 Corinthians11:8-9

Here is a sermon on marriage.

Letting Your Wife Stay Home

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” 1 Timothy 5:14

There are all kinds of situations where a woman ends up working, including the husband telling the wife to work outside the home. I’m not saying it’s a sin for a woman to ever go to work, but it’s not God’s perfect will either. The Bible makes it clear that a man should provide for his family financially, and the woman should be the homemaker.

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1 Timothy 5:8

When a man comes to me and tells me he is having trouble finding a job, I often respond by asking him how many hours he would like to work. When he responds with 40 hours a week, I tell him that is how much time he should spend trying to find a job. You can’t just e-mail one resume and then spend the rest of the day sitting on your fanny. If you are unemployed, you need to put in the time applying for a lot of different jobs, making the follow up calls, showing your face in person, and whatever else it takes to get working somewhere.

“Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;” Romans 12:11

You may think that you will have a lot more money by sending your wife to work, but it could be putting you into a higher tax bracket. Neither one of you will feel like cooking from scratch each day, so you will probably end up eating takeout more often. You’ll for sure need two vehicles, and she will likely buy more clothing. You’ll come out a little ahead—but probably not as much as you had expected once you figure in all the hidden costs.

“When goods increase, they are increased that eat them: and what good is there to the owners thereof, saving the beholding of them with their eyes?” Ecclesiastes 5:11

“For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?” Luke 14:28

Even if you determine that you will be a little better off financially if your wife works, you’ll be spiritually better off if you follow God’s plan.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33

Here is a sermon on women working in light of the Bible.

Appreciating your Spouse

“Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 31:31

A common complaint people have in marriage is not feeling appreciated. Husbands and wives often take each other for granted, which is detrimental to the relationship. In Song of Solomon, which is about the romance between a husband and wife, both spouses pay each other compliments.

The Bible makes it clear that men and women have specific roles, so being in your proper roles as husband and wife is first and foremost. Men primarily want respect, and women want love, but what the husband and wife BOTH want is to be appreciated.

Men, your wife wants to be noticed if she wears a new outfit, loses weight or does something different with her hair. Other people are probably paying her compliments, but the one person she wants to be noticed by is you. Being amorous in the bedroom doesn’t count as appreciating your wife’s beauty. You need to tell her she looks good. She also wants to know that you respect the work she does. Praise her cooking, notice how productive she is around the house, and acknowledge the time and effort she spends educating the children.

Ladies, when your husband lands that new job or fixes the dishwasher, he wants you to take notice. If he does something that is usually within your realm of responsibility, he expects you to appreciate it even more. I mean, if you come home from the ladies’ activity and your husband has the house clean and dinner on the table, you dead sure better thank him. Now isn’t the time to tell him that Pine-Sol isn’t a green product, he put all of the kids’ clothes in the wrong drawers, and that corn AND rice is two starches in the same meal.

Another important way to show your appreciation for your spouse is to listen to him or her. Put down your cell phone and pay attention to what he or she has to say. Men, she listens intently to your stories about work, now listen to her vent about her day. Perhaps she works from home or has a hobby she is passionate about. Take an interest, and don’t downplay what she does. Ladies, don’t downplay your husband’s job even if you feel like cleaning up after the children is harder. Even if he sits at a desk, his job is probably stressful, and he wants to know you appreciate that.

Ladies, when your husband gets home from work, you ought to serve him his plate first. This simple gesture shows that you respect the fact that he is the one providing for the family financially.

“The husbandman that laboureth must be first partaker of the fruits.” 2 Timothy 2:6

There’s no one size fits all in marriage. Different people feel appreciated in different ways, but you need to figure out what your spouse needs. For ladies, it’s usually verbal affirmation, but for men, it might be as simple as smiling at him knowingly or showing some extra affection when he’s done something right.

Here is a sermon on Loving your Wife

NLT and the Message Promote "Equality" in Marriage

I saw an article that someone posted about marriage that said this:

They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that can morph into spiritual abuse. First Peter 3:7 commands husbands to treat their wives as equals.

In what universe does 1 Peter 3:7 teach that?! Here is what the verse actually says:

"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." - 1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)

There is nothing in that verse about treating your wife as an equal. The Bible is clear the husband is the head of the wife, and that the wife should be in subjection to her husband. At first I thought that whoever wrote the article was a brazen liar. Then I realized that modern Bible perversions have changed this verse to support modern ideas about 50/50 marriage.

"The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground." - 1 Peter 3:7 The Message

"In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered." - 1 Peter 3:7 NLT

Notice how these new versions are not just translating what the Bible says. They are inserting their own modernistic views including queer-sounding words like "partner" and popular buzzwords like "equality." Not only that, but look how the Message butchers 1 Peter 3:6 to further promote a feminist agenda:

"Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement." - 1 Peter 3:6 KJV

"Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated." - 1 Peter 3:6 The Message

The goal of these new Bible versions is not to make the Bible "easier to understand." It is to change what the Bible says. Not only do the modern Bibles pervert the doctrines of Christ, they also attack traditional marriage values. To find out more about the agenda behind the new versions, check out the new documentary New World Order Bible Versions.

Birthday/Anniversary Stay-cation Day 3 (July 25)

Today we left late in the morning to head down to Tucson, so I could spend a gift certificate I had received for Summit Hut. I had wanted to buy a pair of specialty running sandals, and no store in Phoenix seems to carry them. They could have been ordered online, but I figured it would be better to try them on and run around the store in them to make sure that I liked them before buying them. This is the model I ended up going with:

"But be shod with sandals; and not put on two coats." - Mark 6:9

Then while we were down in Tucson, we found a nice fish and chips place where we could have lunch. We decided to bring the baby on this particular outing since we were going all the way to Tucson and didn't want to worry about being gone too long.

After fish and chips, we walked over to a gelato place where I had some kind of chocolate and peanut butter gelato, and Zsuzsa had Tiramisu. We then just spent a while wandering around, chatting, and enjoying the nice weather.

After driving back to Phoenix and spending about an hour at the house, we headed out for our next activity: horseback riding!

We rode for about an hour on trails at South Mountain to reach a steak house where we had dinner. Then after dinner, we rode back down the same trails, but this time in the dark since night had fallen.

Birthday/Anniversary Stay-cation Day 2 (July 24)

Today is my birthday and baby Stephen's birthday, so we started out the day by opening presents and having blueberry pancakes for breakfast. I received a book about trail running from Zsuzsa, a gift certificate to an outdoor store, and from my son John I got a pair of swim goggles.

After breakfast, Zsuzsa and I drove up to Scottsdale to go swimming at a hotel there. We were hoping that no one would be swimming at that time because although Zsuzsa and I were dressed modestly, we obviously didn't want to look at anyone else swimming half naked. When we got there, there were several people in the pool, so instead of swimming there, we hopped the fence to the private, elite "seclusion" swimming pool, which we had all to ourselves!

We played a little one on one volleyball while there!

After stopping at the house for lunch, we went out for some afternoon shopping at Ultimate Consignment and a few other stores. Then we went to the Wednesday night church service where we broke our Wednesday night attendance record by having 91 in the service! After church, there was a birthday party for me including barbecued hamburgers, hot dogs, sides, cake, and ice cream. I also received a lot of really cool gifts from some of our church members. What a fantastic birthday!

Birthday/Anniversary Stay-cation Day 1 (July 23)

My birthday is tomorrow, July 24, and our wedding anniversary is coming up on August 13, so we are taking a little "stay-cation" this week to celebrate. Zsuzsa and I don't get to go out together alone very often because we never leave our children with anyone except my mother. Mom was nice enough to offer to come out from Sacramento and watch the kids for us this week, and we were quick to take her up on the offer!

In January, we took a 3 day trip together where we took only baby Stephen with us. We had a wonderful time, but he hated every minute of it because (1) he missed his brothers and sisters, (2) he prefers to be at home, and (3) babies always hate it when their parents are affectionate with one another (afraid of being replaced too soon? haha). This time, we decided to stay in town, so we could go places BY OURSELVES (not even bringing baby Stephen!) since we would only be gone on our  outings a few hours at time.

Our stay-cation began Tuesday evening with a trip to Castles and Coasters! We rode a super-high zip line, did a rope obstacle course, and rode most of the rides. Our favorite was the log flume, which we rode 3 times.

 

After Castles and Coasters, we went by the house for about an hour so Zsuzsa could do story time with the kids and nurse the baby down. Then it was off to Brazilian Bull Steakhouse!

Google Places said they were open until 10:30pm, but we go there at 9:25pm, and they were already closed! In N Out it is! Same thing, right! haha

"Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith." - Proverbs 15:17


It worked out for the best anyway because it gave us more time for the rest of our evening! We are going to go to the Brazilian Steakhouse on Friday night instead.

Electricity and Marriage

volt·age [vohl-tij] noun. electromotive force or potential difference expressed in volts. 

volt [vohlt] noun. the SI unit of potential difference and electromotive force, formally defined to be the difference of electric potential between two points of a conductor carrying a constant current of one ampere, when the power dissipated between these points is equal to one watt. Abbreviation:  V

In my fire alarm business, I am constantly testing batteries and measuring their voltage. When a battery is completely dead, there is no potential difference between the positive and negative poles, and a multimeter will read 0 volts. This equilibrium produces no energy, and the battery is therefore worthless. 

 Magnetism operates on similar principles. There is a force of attraction between unlike poles and a force of repulsion between like poles. The difference between north and south produces the attraction.

What does any of this have to do with marriage?

The difference between men and women is what causes the attraction between them. When a man and woman get married, this attraction is very strong. There is very powerful electricity in their relationship. Often, however, the newness wears off over time, and the attraction can become very weak. The battery goes dead so to speak. Why is that? 

When a battery goes dead, it is because there is equilibrium between the positive and negative leads. Just as electrical energy is fueled by the difference between "positive" and "negative," and magnetic energy thrives on the difference between "north" and "south," so the male/female energy is powered by the difference between "masculine" and "feminine."  

 As our society destroys the differences between male and female, and especially husband and wife, the attraction becomes less and less, and the voltage of our marriages is reduced. That is why our sinful world views married life as being "boring" and "unexciting." In order to have an exciting love life, they must keep switching to a different partner. It is possible, on the other hand, to have a very exciting married life and be very strongly physically attracted to your spouse as long as the difference between the masculine and the feminine is maintained.

Modern American culture teaches us that there should be equality between a man and a woman in marriage. This is the biggest turn off in the world for both parties. If there is equality, then there will be much less attraction between the man and his wife. When there is a big difference between husband and wife, they will be much more attracted to one another. If the husband is completely in charge, and the wife is completely submissive and subject to him (as the Bible commands), then they will have a very "high voltage" love life. Equality = a dead battery.

 As men in America become more and more feminine, and women become more and more masculine, the difference between a man and his wife is dramatically reduced. Husbands and wives become more and more apathetic about their physical relationship with each other. This leads to people looking outside of their marriage for the spark and excitement they are lacking at home. If, on the other hand, the husband is firmly in power, being the head of household, sole breadwinner, and acting/dressing in a manly fashion, and the wife is very submissive to her husband, a homemaker, cooking and cleaning, wearing skirts/dresses, long hair, etc., the voltage of the relationship will be cranked up, and husband and wife will find themselves very strongly attracted to one another. Greater potential difference = stronger electromotive force.

The world will not accept this obvious, basic, scientific truth because it is not politically correct. Even though atheists claim to be scientific, they ignore all the empirical evidence and insist on male/female equality. Unfortunately many Christians are buying into similar philosophies in their home life and are consequently missing out on a truly electrified marriage.

Leadership Tips for Husbands - Part 4

5. Remain Calm and be Slow to Anger 

"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city." - Proverbs 16:32 

Just as there are attributes in women that men find attractive, women are attracted to a man that is cool, calm, and in control. Losing your temper quickly and becoming angry will only cause your wife to resent you and be less likely to obey.

6. Stop Arguing and Trying to Prove that You are Right 

"The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with." - Proverbs 17:14

When you feel the need to argue with your wife in order to prove to her that you are right, you are sending her a message that says, "Obey me because I am right." That implies that she only needs to obey you when she thinks that your are right. The message that you should be sending your wife is, "Obey me because I am the boss." Tell your wife how things will be, stand your ground, and do not allow yourself to be drawn into an argument. If necessary, change the subject, or find another way to politely end the conversation.

"Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." - Ephesians 5:24

To Be Continued...

Leadership Tips for Husbands - Part 3

3. Tell Your Wife What You Want to Eat 

A major part of being a godly wife/mother is cooking. Cooking for someone who enjoys their food is a rewarding experience. Cooking for an ungrateful or picky eater can be very frustrating. Your wife will be much happier cooking for you if she is cooking something that she knows you will like. If she asks you, "Would you rather have an omelet or pancakes?" and you honestly have no preference, just pick one! Whatever you do, do not say that you don't care or that it doesn't matter.

Better yet, be proactive and approach your wife with a couple of meal ideas that you would like to see come down the pike that week. Your wife will probably appreciate the suggestions since she is constantly having to decide what to cook. In the end, you will get to eat some of your favorite meals, and your wife will be happy to cook for a grateful eater. Let her plan the majority of the meals, but throw in a few meal requests also.

Lastly, if you are a picky eater, it is time for you to branch out. If you keep wanting your wife to make the same "plain Jane" meals over and over again, she is going to bore her brains out, and cooking will become a drudgery. Be willing to try new things and expand your palette. Tell her what you want to eat, but try not to get into a rut where you are asking for the same things over and over.

4. Be served first at mealtimes 

"The husbandman that laboureth must be first partaker of the fruits." - 2 Timothy 2:6

You may think that you are being unselfish by being served last at mealtimes, but actually you are just training your family to believe that the children come first, and dad comes last. Not only is this damaging to your position of leadership, it is also teaching the children to be spoiled and to believe that the world revolves around them. Your children are much better off waiting a few moments while dad is served, and seeing a daily reminder of their place in the family.

"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children," - Titus 2:4

Obviously dad has more patience than the children, so the tendency is to get the children happy first and then feed dad last. Basically, the wheel that squeaks the loudest gets the most oil. That will only reinforce their impatience and selfishness. As the husband, you are (or at least should be) the one who is laboring to make the money that puts the food on the table. Therefore, you have every right to be served first, and by insisting on being served first at mealtimes, you are sending a signal to your wife and children that your are the king of your castle.

To be continued...

Leadership Tips for Husbands - Part 2

2. Ask Fewer Questions 

Asking your wife a lot of questions not only hurts your leadership in the home, but it is also annoying to your wife. Wives do not want to have to bear the burden of decision-making in addition to all of their other numerous responsibilities as wives and mothers. You may think that you are being thoughtful and considerate by constantly asking your wife's opinion about decisions, but actually you are just sending a message that you are incompetent as a leader and cannot make any decisions without getting her stamp of approval. You must have the boldness to make major decisions on your own.

I am not saying that you should not value your wife's opinion and take it into consideration when making decisions. Strive to make decisions that will make your wife happy, but do so without asking questions. Get to know your wife. Observe what she likes and what she does not like. Listen to her when she talks about her preferences, but when decisions need to be made, make them without asking her. For example, figure out what restaurants your wife likes and what she likes to eat there, and then take her there and order her what she likes. Don't ask her, "Where should we go for dinner?" or "What would you like to order?" If you have been married for long, you should already know. This is a very trivial example, but the principle applies to many other areas as well.

Another foolish thing about asking your wife a lot of questions is that women are not as direct as men and therefore often do not say what they really mean. Asking your wife a question does not guarantee that you are finding out what she really thinks about something. You would be better off observing, listening, and paying attention to what she does and how she reacts to things, than to ask her questions, exhibit weak leadership, and possibly not even get the real answer to your question.

If you were going to battle, would you want the general to ask you as the follower what the plan of attack should be? Would you like the pastor of the church to constantly come to you and ask you what he should be preaching? If you were on a flight, would you like the airline pilot to come back to your seat and ask you if he is flying the plane properly? Would that not make you question their ability to effectively lead?

Above all, stop constantly seeking your wife's approval for everything you say and do. Again, your heart is in the right place, but when you do this, you are sending your wife a message that says, "You are actually the one who is in charge." Are you really the leader in your home, or are you just a figurehead like the Queen of England, who does not really wield the political power? Are you just the leader on paper, or are you the "de facto" leader? If you were really in charge, you would not constantly need to check with your wife before making any plans.

Notice, I did not say, "Ask no questions," I said, "Ask fewer questions." It is okay to ask your wife questions from time to time, but most of us as husbands ask way too many questions.

To be continued...