Appreciating your Spouse

“Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 31:31

A common complaint people have in marriage is not feeling appreciated. Husbands and wives often take each other for granted, which is detrimental to the relationship. In Song of Solomon, which is about the romance between a husband and wife, both spouses pay each other compliments.

The Bible makes it clear that men and women have specific roles, so being in your proper roles as husband and wife is first and foremost. Men primarily want respect, and women want love, but what the husband and wife BOTH want is to be appreciated.

Men, your wife wants to be noticed if she wears a new outfit, loses weight or does something different with her hair. Other people are probably paying her compliments, but the one person she wants to be noticed by is you. Being amorous in the bedroom doesn’t count as appreciating your wife’s beauty. You need to tell her she looks good. She also wants to know that you respect the work she does. Praise her cooking, notice how productive she is around the house, and acknowledge the time and effort she spends educating the children.

Ladies, when your husband lands that new job or fixes the dishwasher, he wants you to take notice. If he does something that is usually within your realm of responsibility, he expects you to appreciate it even more. I mean, if you come home from the ladies’ activity and your husband has the house clean and dinner on the table, you dead sure better thank him. Now isn’t the time to tell him that Pine-Sol isn’t a green product, he put all of the kids’ clothes in the wrong drawers, and that corn AND rice is two starches in the same meal.

Another important way to show your appreciation for your spouse is to listen to him or her. Put down your cell phone and pay attention to what he or she has to say. Men, she listens intently to your stories about work, now listen to her vent about her day. Perhaps she works from home or has a hobby she is passionate about. Take an interest, and don’t downplay what she does. Ladies, don’t downplay your husband’s job even if you feel like cleaning up after the children is harder. Even if he sits at a desk, his job is probably stressful, and he wants to know you appreciate that.

Ladies, when your husband gets home from work, you ought to serve him his plate first. This simple gesture shows that you respect the fact that he is the one providing for the family financially.

“The husbandman that laboureth must be first partaker of the fruits.” 2 Timothy 2:6

There’s no one size fits all in marriage. Different people feel appreciated in different ways, but you need to figure out what your spouse needs. For ladies, it’s usually verbal affirmation, but for men, it might be as simple as smiling at him knowingly or showing some extra affection when he’s done something right.

Here is a sermon on Loving your Wife