Friday, March 29, 2013

Leadership Tips for Husbands - Part 2

2. Ask Fewer Questions 

Asking your wife a lot of questions not only hurts your leadership in the home, but it is also annoying to your wife. Wives do not want to have to bear the burden of decision-making in addition to all of their other numerous responsibilities as wives and mothers. You may think that you are being thoughtful and considerate by constantly asking your wife's opinion about decisions, but actually you are just sending a message that you are incompetent as a leader and cannot make any decisions without getting her stamp of approval. You must have the boldness to make major decisions on your own.

I am not saying that you should not value your wife's opinion and take it into consideration when making decisions. Strive to make decisions that will make your wife happy, but do so without asking questions. Get to know your wife. Observe what she likes and what she does not like. Listen to her when she talks about her preferences, but when decisions need to be made, make them without asking her. For example, figure out what restaurants your wife likes and what she likes to eat there, and then take her there and order her what she likes. Don't ask her, "Where should we go for dinner?" or "What would you like to order?" If you have been married for long, you should already know. This is a very trivial example, but the principle applies to many other areas as well.

Another foolish thing about asking your wife a lot of questions is that women are not as direct as men and therefore often do not say what they really mean. Asking your wife a question does not guarantee that you are finding out what she really thinks about something. You would be better off observing, listening, and paying attention to what she does and how she reacts to things, than to ask her questions, exhibit weak leadership, and possibly not even get the real answer to your question.

If you were going to battle, would you want the general to ask you as the follower what the plan of attack should be? Would you like the pastor of the church to constantly come to you and ask you what he should be preaching? If you were on a flight, would you like the airline pilot to come back to your seat and ask you if he is flying the plane properly? Would that not make you question their ability to effectively lead?

Above all, stop constantly seeking your wife's approval for everything you say and do. Again, your heart is in the right place, but when you do this, you are sending your wife a message that says, "You are actually the one who is in charge." Are you really the leader in your home, or are you just a figurehead like the Queen of England, who does not really wield the political power? Are you just the leader on paper, or are you the "de facto" leader? If you were really in charge, you would not constantly need to check with your wife before making any plans.

Notice, I did not say, "Ask no questions," I said, "Ask fewer questions." It is okay to ask your wife questions from time to time, but most of us as husbands ask way too many questions.

To be continued...


Argon Family said...

You hit the nail on the head!!! :)

Diana J. said...

Brilliant. Truly!

Dana Kent said...

Absolutely true, pastor Anderson. God bless you and your family.